Eli Qian

Nov 30 2022

People not places

In high school, I discovered Nathaniel Drew’s YouTube channel and became obsessed with the idea of solo travel and living as a nomad. My very rough post-college plan was to spend a few years living in different cities for 6-12 months at a time. My mental model for life was that it is a collection of experiences, and I should optimize for having more novel and interesting experiences.

While my perspective has shifted since then, there is still truth to this way of thinking. The things we experience really are all we have. The sensations, emotions, and feelings we go through are everything that makes up life. It would certainly be a shame to never spend time living abroad. In a foreign country, everything is new—the people, the food, even simple things like crossing the street or buying groceries are novel and push the limits of our comfort zone.

One of my all-time favorite quotes is Bill Bryson on being in new places:

I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything. Suddenly you are five years old again. You can't read anything, you have only the most rudimentary sense of how things work, you can't even reliably cross a street without endangering your life. Your whole existence becomes a series of interesting guesses.

I still value these experiences, but my view has changed since high school. Last summer, I actually solo traveled for the first time. My time alone was valuable—I went through experiences that forced me out of my comfort zone. When I landed in Lisbon, I literally knew no one in the entire country. I had to make friends with strangers, live in hostels, eat at restaurants alone, and spend time by myself. It was lonely and difficult at times, but I’m glad I went through it.

For the second half of my trip, I was joined by my friend. Having someone to do things with expanded my realm of experience in a different way. I would never scooter 15+ miles in one night or drive a GoCar on the highway on my own. I realized that the right people make you rethink what is possible. They open you up to new experiences and help you explore the edge of your potential.

Spending time abroad is still valuable, but I no longer believe sacrificing proximity to friends and a persistent local community is worth the tradeoff. I still plan to spend time abroad, but I’m not sure what that will look like. Maybe a few more solo trips, maybe some group vacations.

I also no longer believe the peak of human experience is feeling that childlike wonder. Rather, it’s just hanging out with people you love. If I look back on the best moments in my life, they’re all doing stuff with people that matter to me.

Shout out to Shaahana for writing the piece that got me thinking about this!