Mar 15 2023
When did we start measuring the quality of relationships and by how deep, profound, or meaningful our interactions are?
I've come across a few too many people complaining about superficial conversation, small talk, and the general sentiment of talking about nothing. It seems like, for many people, the ideal scenario would be meeting someone and jumping straight into talking about their hopes and dreams.
In Not Overthinking, Taimur makes an interesting distinction between talking about something and talking about nothing. It's what it sounds like—talking about something is conversation centered around a tangible topic, usually a shared interest. Talk about nothing is ephemeral and of little consequence in the grand scheme of a relationship.
I don't think the best relationships are built on talking about something. Relationships predicated on talking about X have a small voice wondering when is this going to run out? You feel you need to provide value to keep the connection going.
That's not to say we don't talk about more profound things. The capacity to talk about something is still important. It indicates a willingness to be vulnerable and authentic.
With my best friends, I'd say 90% of our interactions are about nothing. The latest NBA game, what's for lunch, asking questions we kinda know the answer to. There is no expectation of deriving value from of a conversation outside of the other person's presence and attention.
It's a nice feeling—to appreciate someone just for existing, rather than whatever insight they have to offer. With the right people, sitting in silence is just as nice as connecting on something deeper. We should learn to enjoy talk about nothing, especially with those closest to us.